Ubisoft in imaginationland.

Now I'm not talking about a literal pun about guns misfiring because that's part of the 'fun' in Far Cry 2.

To save an in depth review on this game, it's much easier to look at Ubisoft Montreal Studio's last few titles - Assassin's Creed, Prince of Persia and Far Cry 2. Now these are all respectable games with average to decent reviews. However it seems one thing they truly lack is imagination. Imaginaaaation, Imagiiiinaaaation.

But wait a second you say, Ubisoft made Ghost recon and other such awesome titles. I retort, yes indeed they did. But their Canadian studio just isn't cutting it with their game play design. I don't even pretend to understand the maths involved in coding a game, I truly don't. However, something that requires no degree in physics is creativeness. It's not hard to think of a way to keep the story going.

The three titles mentioned all suffer from the sudden cardiac arrest that occurs probably less than halfway through the story. You honestly stop caring about trying to finish the game as all the missions are the same.

Far Cry 2 - You are sent to kill the jackal (original...never been used before) - Then you are sent on pointless missions to turn factions against each other. And you meet the Jackal...twice? Before you go in to the 'Heart of darkness'...during apocalypse now...uh i mean Far Cry 2. For those of you that don't read books, the Heart of Darkness is a very old book that discusses just how shitty things are in the center of the continent. Long read and wordy, but it was a 1920's look into the way the country was being corrupted.

Prince of Persia - So you have to save the princess. Shit. Original. From an ancient evil...that is locked away and is trying to escape. So this game is utterly different from shadow of the colossus....and Zelda...and shit well let's throw Mario in there for good measure. Lame. They made up for it with the anti-hero styled ending but still. Meh.

Graphically speaking however, they have truly nailed it. Far Cry 2 is just beautiful to look at, and every detail has been noted. From the rust on your gun if it is in bad condition, to the vultures that flock over an enemy camp. I mean it is flawless. Graphics wise, Ubisoft is setting the bar higher than a lot of other companies.

That does not forgive a shitty storyline. Games that hold the semi serious gamers attention needs to give them a reason to beat it, something that denotes a sense of urgency to finish up. Far Cry 2, Prince of Persia and Assassins Creed just don't do it.

However, Assassin's Creed did have a much more interesting story line in the first place, so they were just shy of the mark there.

In fact fuck it, I will set Assassin's Creed aside just because they put so much effort into making it at least somewhat fast paced and exciting to play, although the missions did get samey once again.

When I talk about game play being repetitive, it's simply because all the missions are IDENTICAL. There is no change in how you approach the mission, there is no change in how you complete the mission and they even use the same voice clips for EVERY MISSION. If your spending millions to craft a game, what the hell is a few more seconds of voice recordings going to cost?

I just find it frustrating that so much effort goes into these recent games in every other aspect, yet they omit the most important one. A reason to not put it back in the case and return it for something else because it got boring. Take a look online at any of the reviews and all the big guns say 'Wow 9/10, I never actually played it but shit it's great!'. Then take a little peek at the user reviews which are split down the middle, saying things like 'This game was boring as hell.'

Wait...a difference of opinion...could this be true? Could politics be organised? Could elections be fixed? DID THEY RIG THE OSCARS?!

However, with Assassins Creed 2 on the way, I am hoping for awesome sauce things. They should deliever as the first one was fun to play for the most part. Just for the love of god Ubisoft, don't make a Far Cry 3.

Left 4 Dead review

This might be a little late in the telling, but I finally got around to grabbing a copy of Left 4 Dead.

Now nothing is more gratifying than a zombie apocalypse, we all want it to be the way humanity ends, right? Well Valve thought 'hell why not' and gives us, the general gaming public, the opportunity to be the last bad ass survivors of said apocalypse.

I was truly skeptical when I purchased this game as I had heard nothing really up or down about it except for 'oh shit yeah it's fun, you get to kill zombies'. My mind instantly turned back to Dead rising...which was fun...for all of twenty minutes...then a weak 'story' was injected which frankly made the zombies a mere obstruction than any actual fun.

For those who are concerned about storyline and gameplay, I will break it down. You play the survivors of the zombie infestation, all of which are wonderfully stereotyped to fit the game.

The game is set up into four major campaigns, each consisting of 5 individual missions. The final mission of each campaign is the last stand against the zombie hoard before you are rescued by some means of transport or another. Personally I found these missions to be the most enjoyable as the odds become down right ridiculous at times.

The story for a lack of a better description, is non existent, and that's the beauty of this game. It is set up to be all in all as if your playing in a B-movie zombie flick. And it works, my God does it work well. The point is folks, you don't need a story, much like you don't need a reason why the zombie apocalypse started, but more a reason to find a gun and start shooting them....in the face. This doesn't get old as you feel like you are actually making the last stand for humanity. It's unfair, and the zombies keep coming, and man is it fun!

The 'director' or the AI determines how well you are doing throughout the game and depending on who is still alive and other such factors, it will alter the game accordingly. Now having said this, the difficulty levels are VERY important. When it says EXPERT, don't think that this is a Capcom title where you can button mash to save the day. This is quite different, as you will be killed in oh...three hits? Your ammo will be painfully low, health packs will be in short supply,and the nice selection of guns will be only at select points during the campaign. Honestly it's down right unfair at some points and you can only laugh or cry, or throw your remote through the TV. Yes, it's one of those games.

With regards to weapons, the selection is limited but perfectly balanced. There are no weapons that make the game unfair. A mix of machine guns, shot guns and pistols are your choices. Explosives are limited to a pipe bomb...which all the zombies chase, useful. The alternative is a Molotov cocktail which allows you to throw up a barrier of fire if your in a bind.

To make matters more frustrating, you've got to deal with 5 'special infected' that are randomly spawned by the director depending on how well your doing.

The boomer is going to be one of the smaller problems in this game. This fella vomits on you, which then attracts a new hoard of zombies straight to your position. This leaves you unable to see for a good thirty seconds, so you've got to have good protection once this happens. Oh and if he explodes, same thing...joy.




The hunter is another personal favorite of mine as this infected is quick and can leap great distances. Can be heard in the level by the distinct growling sound it makes. Seconds later it will pounce you and start clawing your player to death. Makes quick work of you, so again, buddy support is essential.


The smoker is another infected that your going to face frequently. This infected uses his tongue to pull you a long distance away from your group and choke you to death. Nasty.



The tank. His name is exactly what he is. He is hard to kill normally, but on expert mode, you better have a battle plan. He will destroy your entire team within minutes if your not careful. The music will change to a dramatic fan fare and the ground will shake...you'll know when you see one.

Finally there is one non playable infected, the witch. Now the reason for this is because the witch is a sort of zombie car alarm. She will be crying in a corner of the level, which is very audible, as well as the creepy music that plays to remind you. You can either try to kill her, which will startle her. You better be ready because she will incapacitate the perpetrator in one hit.




Beside these guys you will face hundreds if not thousands of the regular zombie hoards. Now don't think George A. Romero when it comes to zombies. No, think 28 days later of the latest version of dawn of the dead. Yes, that's right, you guessed it. They sprint. No slowly lumbering zombies, you'll be burning through ammo clips like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't, apocalypse remember?

The multi player both co-op and online is immensely fun. If you have three buddies to play with through the campaign on co-op, there's a good chance you'll grab over 80% of the achievements after a few plays through the game. Playing Versus mode can be one of two things, amazingly enjoyable or unbelievably aggravating. This is my one gripe with an otherwise near perfect game. You play the campaign as normal and each chapter is played twice, once as infected and once as the survivors. If you know what your doing, you can dominate the game easily. However if you have people that either don't listen or want to go off on a vigilante zombie rampage...you are going to run into problems, and more than likely lose completely.

Communication is vital in the multiplayer as there is a lot going on all the time. You won't see every zombie, so if you and your team mates can watch each others pack , you'll be fine.

This game is wonderful in its simplicity. It doesn't try to have a big epic back story. It is exactly what it claims to be, and that's why it works so well. You don't feel bored when you run back through the same level because the attacks happen differently each time. The replay value of this game is very high due to the dynamic levels and the co-op via online. Overall a solid game and a surprising win in my eyes.

Graphics : 8.5/10
Game play: 8.5/10
Replay value : 9.5/10
Sound: 9/10 (Due to B movie awesomeness)
Multiplayer : 7/10

Overall : 8.5/10 - Solid game, downloads are imminent. This will add even more replay value to the game.

Gamez Gamez Games

So upon my return to America, I've been playing a bit of xbox...well...a lot of xbox as my personal way of getting reacquainted with being bored. And well, this has led to reviews, which will be pending and upcoming.

But in the mean time, I've found this little gem. Now some of you might not be familiar with the kid show Lazy town. But it's a Netherlands invention which has quickly become a pedophiles wet dream, in technicolor...oh and there's puppets if you guys are into the whole 'inanimate' thing. It's terrifying and disturbing...and wait...they sing. Some bright spark decided to change it up a little and I for one, am glad to see the changes.

So here it is ladies and gentlemen, my personal insertion into the hard drive slot of the internet. God I feel dirtier because of it. However, this will not dissuade me from posting inane and insane rantings here about anything that crosses my mind at any given time. Stay tuned.